


Peace or freedom?

by g3rm4ph0b3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, How Do Tags Work?, Hurt/Comfort, I should tag that huh, Justice for Adam, M/M, Oh, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Supernatural - Freeform, although it does get take a bit to get there, starts off from season 5, technically, very emtotional, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g3rm4ph0b3/pseuds/g3rm4ph0b3
Summary: After Sam and Adam fall into the Cage, Dean goes back to Lisa in an attempt to keep a promise. But what happens when he finds out that he hadn't lost everyone? Sam is back, and now it's up to Dean to decide if he is going to try to cling to normalcy or return to what he wants most.What I would have done differently after Season 5. An attempt to rectify the mess that was not only the series finally, but the entire fucking show. Yes, it's gay, but also slow-burn so take that into consideration.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Swan's Song

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is essentially a recap of where the last episode of Season 5/first episode of Season 6 left off. It's the only one that's going to follow the show event-for-event, chapter two is where the corrections really start. This is my first time publishing any of my writing, so if you have any recommendations/criticisms please feel free to leave a comment so I know how I can improve.

Dean watches as Sam manages to overpower Lucifer and lung towards Michael through swollen, beat up eyes. And then it happens. His two brothers (one he’d spent his entire life trying to protect, the other he had just reconnected with) tumble into the earth. There's a blinding light and the hole closes up. The cage is sealed and Dean is left alone, sitting on the ground in disbelief. They’d won, in a way, but Dean had lost so much and he found himself wondering for a split second if it had even been worth it. Dean struggles forward from his place on the ground and crawls over to the key. The four rings no longer glow hot, but when Dean picks it up he can still feel the residual warmth. He pounds the grass, almost as if he could open the cage with his bare hands and pull his brothers out. But that is impossible. He is alone.

Lost in thought he almost doesn't notice Castiel silently appear behind him, seemingly unfazed by being literally blow up just moments ago. He was graceful, a calming presence. And if Dean had to choose just one word to describe him, it would be holy.

“Cas, you’re alive?” he asks, more rhetorically than literally. Dean’s voice is thick and horse and he finds that when he speaks his entire face hurts.

“I’m better than that” Cas replies, touching two fingers to Dean’s forehead and instantly healing him. Cas can tell that Dean is going through a lot emotionally. The least he can do was fix the physical. And although Cas was still very unfamiliar with emotions, he notes a strange feeling in his own chest. He decides now is not the time to try and make sense of that feeling. Right now he needs to be focused on Dean.

Dean looks around, down at his own body, and then back up to Cas. How was this possible? Only seconds ago, he had seen Castiel be blown up by Lucifer. Dean had convinced himself that he had lost Cas, and the amount of relief that he felt when he saw Cas frowning down at him was almost too much to handle. He slowly stands up, his eyes not daring to leave Cas’, as if Dean was worried that if he didn’t keep an eye on him, Cas would disappear again.

“Cas, are you God?” Dean asks, now face to face with Castiel. They are close, so close that Castiel could feel Dean’s breath on his face. He doesn't particularly hate it, and while he often doesn't manage social situations correctly he knows better than to comment on their proximity at this moment.

“That’s a nice compliment, but no” Cas replies, attempting to lighten the mood at least a little bit. “But, I do think he brought me back. New and improved.” He walks towards Bobby’s corpse, taking no time at all to resurrect the man. Not just for Dean’s sake, but because he had grown to like Bobby as well. Bobby gasps as life is forcefully shoved back into him. He sits up, looking up at Cas in disbelief. It was over, and they had won. But when he looks back towards Dean standing in the middle of that field, alone, he remembers what they all know. There was no winning without sacrifice.

Bobby suggests they head their separate ways, to have some space before trying to figure out what to do next. Dean doesn’t want to be alone, but he’d never admit that, and he doesn't have a better suggestion. Bobby gives Dean a firm hug, gets in his truck, and drives off. Dean sighs and gets into the driver’s seat of the Impala. He’s surprised when Cas follows suit, sliding into the passenger’s seat. But it feels natural so he doesn’t complain. He starts the car and they drive off. Dean has no idea where he is going, and Cas knew this as well. They both choose to not mention it. After a few hours, Dean clears his throat.

“What are you going to do now?” he asks, both out of curiosity fueled concern and to fill the space. 

“Return to Heaven, I suppose” Castiel replies, although he admits to himself he wasn’t quite sure what his exact plan of action would be.

“Heaven?” Dean wasn’t sure what answer he was expecting, but it wasn’t that.

“With Michael in the Cage, I’m sure it’s total anarchy up there “ Casitel reasons, after some consideration.

“So what, you’re the new sheriff in town?” Dean jokes, but his tone revealed something more. Some other feeling, perhaps closer to anger.

Cas, however, didn’t pick up on that tone and let out a small scoff. “I like that. Yeah, I suppose I am.”

“Wow. God gives you a shiny new set of wings and suddenly you’re his bitch again” he says, the anger he had been feeling seeping into his words. He was angry, not necessarily because Castiel was still loyal to Heaven. More because after all they had been through, after what little God has done to help them, Cas was still choosing Heaven over him. And he would have been lying to himself if he said that didn’t hurt.

“I don’t know what God wants. I don’t know if he’ll even return. It just…seems like the right thing to do” Cas says, Dean’s tone not lost to him this time. He knows Dean is hurt by his decision, but he’s not human. He understands, but he doesn’t get it and he decides that his next best course of action is to try and explain to Dean his decision as best he can.

“Well, if you do see him, tell him I’m coming for him next” Dean doesn’t miss a beat with that threat. Cas turns to look at Dean, clearly, a bit baffled. Dean looks back at Cas, completely serious.

“You’re angry” Cas notes.

“That’s an understatement” Dean quips back.

“He helped. Maybe even more than we realize” Cas suggests, and Dean can’t help but scoff at the notion.

“That’s easy for you to say, he brought you back. But what about Sam? What about Adam? What about me? Huh? Where’s my Grand Prize? Where’s my thank you for saving the world? All I got were my brothers in a hole!”

“You got what you asked for Dean” Cas replies, and now it’s Dean’s turn to be baffled. It hurts, it hurts a lot to hear that. But he knows that Cas is right.

“No paradise. No hell.” Cas continues, “Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

Dean doesn’t even have time to consider the question before Castiel has disappeared from his car. He sighs and looks up at the sky.

“Well, you really suck at goodbyes, you know that?” He really hopes that it’s not goodbye. Dean then finds himself pulling onto Lisa’s street, and trudging up the walkway to her door.

Lisa. She’s comfort. She’s stability. She’s a promise that he made, even though right now he’d rather work to find a way to bring his brothers back. Or die. But instead, he knocks on her door. He’s not even really sure if he loves her. He just knows he needs someone, somewhere. When she answers the door, relief is etched into her face.

“Uh…if it’s not too late, I think I’d like to take you up on that beer” he says, his voice involuntarily breaking a bit.

“It’s never too late” she replies, and her sincerity makes his heart break. He’s guilty, this isn’t going to last. But when she pulls him into that hug he thinks maybe somehow he can trick himself into normalcy. Somehow he can defy his instincts and go against what destiny has set out for him. As he, Ben, and Lisa sit down for dinner, he tries not to think about it too hard. But he knows the truth. And as Sam watches Dean from outside Lisa’s house, he knows the truth as well. 

A year passes, and Dean has gotten comfortable with his new life. Wake up, go to work as a contractor in his beat-up truck, attend barbecues, spend time with Ben, check the house for suspicious activity, go to bed, rinse and repeat. He hates that he likes the routine, not having to worry about dying all the time. And the more comfortable he feels, the more his guilt grows as well. Sam and Adam are still in the Cage. They’re suffering and he’s here living a white picket fence life. So when he comes home one day to find sulfur on the ground leading to the garage, he hates that he’s almost grateful. He arms himself with the knife and flashlight that he keeps in this truck. The rest of his supplies are in the Impala, and if the demon is in the garage then there’s no way he can properly suit up. He’s just going to have to make do. But when he gets there, there’s nothing. He practically turns the garage upside-down trying to figure out where a demon could possibly be hiding. Nowhere. He sighs in relief, hoping that he’s just seeing things. Then all of a sudden, there are two yellow eyes looking at him. Azazel. Dean doesn’t even have a chance to rationalize the fact that Azazel is dead before the demon grabs him by the neck and lifts him off the ground. There’s nothing he can do, and as he loses consciousness he realizes that he was going to die at the hands of a beast this whole time.

However, he wakes up. His head feels like it’s full of cotton. His body is sore. He slowly lifts himself into a seated position, groaning softly. And sitting in front of him, clear as day, is Sam.


	2. Look at Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so start the re-writes. At this point, some things may still feel a bit close to the actual show, but there are some key differences. Again, this is what I would have done differently. Any questions, comments, or concerns? Please feel free to let me know.

All Dean could do was just sit and stare at the tall man in front of him. It couldn’t be. But it was.

“Sammy?” he asked, slowly getting to his feet. Sam gestured to himself as if the answer was obvious. 

“Yeah. It’s me Dean” he replied, a smile finding its way on his face. But it looked weird, and Dean couldn’t figure out if it was because there was something off about Sam or if it was just a product of not seeing his brother for a year. He instantly shifted his stance, bending his legs a little and getting into a defensive pose. Dean needed to remember that this could very well not be his brother, and he needed to be prepared to fight.

“Hey, relax. It’s me, I’ll prove it” Sam said, raising his hands in surrender. He reached over and took a silver knife from an old table, rolled up his sleeve, and cut a thin line into his forearm. He then took a salt packet, ripped it open, poured it into a milk gallon of holy water, and took a large drink. 

Dean couldn’t help but feel like that was a bit dramatic, but it proved exactly what he wanted to know. That was his brother. His Sammy.   
He practically soared across the room, pulling Sam into a tight hug. His baby brother, here with him again. But then there was the issue of how. How did he get here? And what did that mean?

“Wait, who brought you back?” he asked, pulling back and looking Sam in the face, but Sam only shrugged. “And you don’t know why?” Dean followed up, being met with another shrug.  
Sam was…different. He was here, he was Sam, but he was different. Really different. There was something off about him, he was more indifferent and colder than he remembered Sam being. That being said, Dean had been without Sam for an entire year so maybe that was what he was feeling. Maybe it was just the time spent away from his brother that made it all feel different.

“So, you’re back. That’s great, it really is…but that’s also kinda worrying right? Like, if you’re back then is Lucifer back? Is Michael?” Dean asked, and Sam smiles slightly as if finally content with the questions Dean was asking.

“So far, there is no sign of Lucifer or Michael being back, at least not that I or any other hunters can tell,” Sam said, motioning from Dean to follow him into the other room. There, Sam had set up a small, pinned collage on the wall with photographs, drawings, and newspaper clippings of different creatures and events along with scribbles in pen and permanent marker in Sam’s handwriting. The amount of research he had done along with Sam mentioning “other hunters” hit Dean like a truck. 

“Other hunters? How long have you been back?” Dean asked, and Sam didn’t even bother turning around when he answered.

“About a year”

“A YEAR? Are you kidding me, Sam?! You were back for a whole YEAR and you didn’t even bother to contact me? You KNEW where I would be, you KNEW I would want to see you and you didn’t think it might be a good idea to stop by and say hello??” Dean was fuming. He was furious. But overall, above anything he was hurt. His brother had been back for a whole year and hadn’t contacted him. That wasn’t like him. Or it was, and Dean had forgotten.

“Sam, can you at least look at me man? I mean, come on. LOOK AT ME” Dean screamed, his chest heaving with uneven breaths. Sam sighed, supposing that they were going to do this now. He didn’t want to. But Dean wasn’t going to let this go. At least not now. So, Sam turned around.

“Yes, Dean. I was back for a whole year and I didn’t contact you. How could I? You had a good life. With Lisa and Ben, and you were doing normal things. You were going to barbecues and driving construction trucks and teaching Ben about cars. You were safe, Dean. How could I contact you? How could I pull you back in when you got out” Sam said, his tone earnest although his intention was not.

“I got out at the expense of you Sam. I never wanted out, I wanted you to be ok”

“Really? Really Dean? This whole time you never wanted out? You never wanted to be safe and happy and normal. With a nice girl on your arm? With a family?” And at that, Dean had to pause. Had he? Did he? What did he want? He had enjoyed the past year with Lisa and Ben…but was it what he wanted? Because as good as it was, Dean has missed Sam and Adam and…-and Cas. He had missed Castiel so much. His family. Lisa and Ben were nice, but Sam and Adam, and Cas were his family. Family.

“I don’t know Sam. I don’t know” he said, looking down at his boots. That phrase said all Sam needed to know. He nodded and sighed again.

“Dean, well listen. I’m here now. And I don’t know why. And I don’t know who brought me back and why they brought me back. And there are no answers, none. No one knows, no one can find leads. And I think that maybe, that takes priority right now” That is what brought Dean back. He knew that Sam was right. This was a point of contention, and his hurt wasn’t erased. But they needed to focus on the main issue at hand, so Dean pushed his feeling back. Like he always did, and he walked over to the collage on the wall, looking over the clippings. 

“So no one can figure anything out, huh. What about Adam, is Adam back?” Dean asked, and Sam shook his head.

“I thought that too. I figured that whoever or whatever brought me back might have brought Adam back. But no, no sign of Adam anywhere. And I looked” Dean sighed, running his hand over his face. 

“I saw yellow eyes before I passed out in the garage. He’s dead, but could it have been him? Or whatever brought his back brought him back?” Dean suggested.

“No, definitely not. That wasn’t yellow eyes, that was Djinn poison” Sam answered, and Dean looked back at him incredulously.

“Djinn poison? There are Djinn in this town? Fuck, Lisa, and Ben. I have to go back” Dean said, heading off and grabbing his jacket. Sam followed him, a surprised look on his face.

“Dean, wait. We kind of have something more important to focus on right now” He called out in an attempt to get Dean back into the abandoned house that Sam had made a makeshift base.

“Seriously Sam?? Lisa and Ben, Sam. Innocent people Sam” and Sam sighed again. Dean knew this was uncharacteristic of Sam. Sam was always the one that advocated to save the innocent people. But they would need to unpack later. Right now, they need to get to Lisa and Ben. Sam got into the driver’s seat of his stolen truck and Dean got into the passenger’s seat. And they headed off towards Lisa’s house.

When they arrived at Lisa’s house, it was already nighttime. Dean gave Sam stern instructions about staying in the truck as he ran up to the door. He took out his key and opened the door to find Lisa sitting in the living room. She had a worried look on her face and jumped up out of the sofa as Dean walked into the house.

“Dean, where were you??” she asked, clearly a bit annoyed but more worried. Ben came into the living room from the kitchen and Lisa gave him the command ‘Go to your room’ and he did, fully feeling the weight of the room. Dean leans forward and takes Lisa’s hands. He explains everything. He tells her that there were Djinn in town and that he had been attacked in her garage. He told her that Sam was back and that they didn’t know how or why. That she and Ben weren’t safe, and they needed to leave that night. Lisa nodded; she knew this was going to happen eventually. She couldn’t help, however, but feel like it came a bit too soon.

Lisa and Ben packed their bags and they pilled into Sam’s truck. It was an awkward introduction, but they managed and speed off towards Bobby’s safe house. Sam got out first and brought Bobby up to speed. They moved Ben and Lisa into the guest bedroom, and Dean took the moment to catch up with Bobby. They hadn’t seen each other since that fateful night when his brothers were locked in the cage. It became apparent quite quickly, that Bobby and Sam had been acquainted while Dean had been away. And that hurt more.

“How long have you known he was back?” Dean asked Bobby, and his face said everything Dean needed to know.

“Really? You knew this whole time and you also didn’t bother to tell me?” Dean asked, his voice defeated. He was angry, but he was hurt. And that hurt made him tired.

“Yeah Dean, I didn’t tell you. I was trying to protect you. You got out Dean, you were safe. Why would I tell you? And guarantee an early death for you? No Dean. No” Bobby said, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean looked at Sam in the kitchen, getting a beer out of Bobby’s fridge. And he broke inside. Because everything that Sam had said was just an imitation of what Sam knew what Bobby would have said. 

Sam came back, three beers in his large hands, and handed one to Dean. Dean took it, and he didn’t say anything. They all sat around Bobby’s table, figuring out what to do. They all decided rather quickly that they needed to hunt the Djinn. Aside from that, there was the issue of Sam, and him being back. Sam needed Dean to help, and Dean wanted to help Sam. Bobby wanted Dean to stay out of it.  
He knew both Dean and Sam were right. They needed to figure out what was going on. If Sam was back, that meant Adam could be brought back. They needed to figure out how to do that.

Dean knew that he needed to break it off with Lisa. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but at the same time, he knew it was going to be a relief. Dean didn’t want to think about that too much.  
Sam, Dean, and Bobby got into Sam’s stolen truck, which was packed full of Djinn specific weapons. They pealed out of the junkyard, with Dean sitting in the backseat. 

He closed his eyes and prayed to Cas.


	3. The Hunt for Something Holy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, now having to abandon Lisa and Ben, embarks on his journey with Sam to find out what brought back Sam, why and figure out how to bring back Adam.

The night was cold, but the back of Sam’s stolen truck was colder. Dean tried not to think about the cold as he gripped the handle of his silver knife. Not just the cold of the air (which was fucking cold) but the cold everywhere that seemed to seep into Dean’s bones and organs. The type of cold that seemed to weigh him down. The truck stopping suddenly in front of Lisa’s house pulled him out of his thoughts. Now was not a time to be weighed down.

“Okay, so we all know the plan?” Bobby asked, getting out of the truck and shifting his own knife in his hands.

“Yeah, let’s get this son of a bitch” Dean said, in his typical tone. Bobby looked at him with a furrowed brow however, something was definitely up with him. 

They walked into the house, Dean making a b-line to the garage where he had been attacked. But just as he was about to enter the garage, he heard a scream from next door. Syd. Dean rushes towards the house, Sam and Bobby following close behind. Dean breaks the lock with his foot and bursts through the front door, and there were Syd and his wife on the floor, dead. Their eyes were a blank, milky white, and it was unsure to Dean if they had even had a chance to hallucinate before the Djinn poison killed them. 

Before Dean could turn around, he felt a hand on his wrist and then excruciating pain. He didn’t notice the Djinn behind him, that had just injected him with poison. He didn’t notice that Sam had seen the Djinn about to attack him. He didn’t notice that Sam hadn’t done anything, just watch and let the Djinn attack him. He didn’t notice Bobby notice Sam let his brother get poisoned. He didn’t notice any of this, he just grunted and then lost consciousness. 

Dean came to in the back of Sam’s truck, a vile taste in his mouth and a pounding in his head. He grunted and pulled himself up into a seated position with a sigh. Looking around, he saw Sam and Bobby talking outside, so he opened the truck door and shakily got to his feet. Both men looked at him, and Bobby stepped forward and placed a steadying hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Woah, easy there. Are you good? You’re lucky we had another dose of the antidote you idjit” he said, and Dean just nodded.

“Did you get it?” Dean asked, and both Bobby and Sam nodded. Sam shook his head slightly.

“Yeah, no thanks to you Dean. You’re out of practice. But at least you made a good distraction” he said, and Dean couldn’t tell if his brother was joking or not. The look that Bobby shot him, however, made him think that maybe he wasn’t joking.

“Right. Guess I am out of practice. A year is a long time” he shot back, and Sam looked away.

“Whatever let’s just get back. I’m sure Ben and Lisa want to go back home now” Dean said, walking towards the passenger’s seat, opening the door, and getting into the front seat before Sam had a chance to protest. After that comment, he almost mentally dared Sam to question his seating choice. Instead, Sam surrendered his keys to Bobby and got in the back seat. Bobby didn’t say anything as he got into the driver’s seat and they peeled out onto the street, his only thought was that he was too old to be dealing with this.

It was early in the morning when they arrived back at the junkyard. The morning was relatively uneventful, with Bobby making breakfast and Dean obligating Sam to show Ben the cars out in the junkyard. Bobby served Lisa the pancakes he had made and then went out to the yard to give Sam and Ben their breakfast. And to give Dean and Lisa their privacy. They had a lot to talk about.

“So, it’s safe to go home now?” Lisa asked, between bites of pancake. Dean didn’t have an appetite and decided on just coffee that morning.

“Well, I mean…you know nowhere is really totally safe, but yeah. The Djinn is gone, we took care of it” Dean said, taking another sip of coffee. Lisa nodded and put down her fork. Neither of them wanted to have this conversation.

“Listen, Dean. You have been great, a great influence on Ben. I mean he absolutely adores you. And you know you’ve been a great partner. But I need to protect Ben. I need to think of us first, and with Sam back…” she trailed off, not quite sure how to approach the next part.

“Yeah, it’s too dangerous. If what happened yesterday is any indication of what is to come Ben can’t be at risk. You can’t be at risk. I was thinking the same thing” he said, taking another sip of his coffee before looking down into his cup. Lisa placed her hand on top of his, prompting Dean to look up at her.

“It was nice Dean. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Things happen. Granted, they aren’t typically as…supernatural as this but this type of shit happens all the time. Sometimes things just don’t work out. It’s no one’s fault” Dean nodded, but still couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all his fault. Nevertheless, later that morning, Sam, Dean, Ben, and Lisa all piled into Sam’s truck and they drove Ben and Lisa home. Sam just dropped them off, then heading back to Bobby’s house. 

“So, you’re leaving?” Ben asked, looking up at him with a child’s eyes. Those eyes were so innocent and yet seeing. Those eyes that understood so much more than adults could ever realize. 

“Yeah…I am…but here” Dean took off one of his iron rings, handing it to Ben. It was too big for any of Ben’s fingers at that moment, but Dean knew the kid would gown into it.

“For protection,” he said, and somehow, he knew Ben knew what he meant. And with that, he picked up his bag with clothes and got into the impala. He had made sure to leave some amulets, crosses, a salt line here and there in the house. Just in case. He inserted the keys into the ignition and his car purred to life. His car. As he drove off he could see Ben and Lisa watching him from their front yard, and his mind momentarily wandered to what Cas has said to him last year. Peace or freedom huh, guess he had made his choice.

He arrived in the junkyard with Sam and Bobby sitting on the porch. Sam had his canvas bags at his feet and a folder certainly containing all the news clippings, research, and notes from his wall collage at the abandoned house. Dean turned off the engine and got out of the car as Sam started placing his things in the backseat. 

“Hey Dean, I’ve got something for you real quick. Sam, we’re gonna be inside if you need us” Bobby called out to Sam, who had opened his folder and was scribbling in it with a ballpoint pen. He didn’t say anything just shot them a thumbs up.

Dean followed Bobby into the kitchen, where Bobby motioned Dean to take a beer from the fridge. Dean didn’t really want to, but something told him that he would need it. So, he took a beer out of the fridge and cracked it open with his palm, and took a swig.

“Listen, Dean, something is wrong with Sam,” Bobby said, and Dean let out a little cough at that.

“Yeah, I thought so too. I was starting to think it was just me, that I had been away from him for so long that I just had forgotten what Sam’s like. But no, there is definitely something up” Dean said, taking another drink from his beer. Bobby nodded.

“I know you guys are gonna be very busy trying to figure out what brought him back and trying to save Adam. But here and there maybe check in with him. He never admits it, but he needs you, Dean. Just like you never admit that you need him.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Thank you, Bobby” Bobby gave Dean a clap on the back before pulling him into a solid hug. A hug both of them needed. Dean chugged the rest of his beer, and both he and Bobby walked outside. Sam’s head perked up when he heard the door of Bobby’s house open and then shut.

“Hey, ready?” Sam asked, closing the folder.

“Yeah, ready” Dean said, unlocking the doors of the impala and getting into the driver’s seat. Soon they were off on the highway, Bobby, Lisa, and Ben left far behind them. 

“Okay. So, get this, I’ve been doing some research-”

“A year’s worth of research” Dean interrupted Sam in the middle of his sentence, causing Sam to shoot him an annoyed look from the passenger’s seat.

“Yes, after my year spent researching, I pretty much ruled out any of our ‘normal’ culprits. It’s not gonna be demons, they are all under Crowley’s rule now that Lucifer is out of the picture. So, while I found no sign that Lucifer is back, it doesn’t make sense that Crowley would bring me back and risk Lucifer maybe coming back with me” he said, and Dean nodded along.

“Okay, what about Cas? He said last year, after you fell into the hole, that he had been ‘promoted’ or whatever the angel equivalent is. Could it be him?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. It might, but I’ve been praying to him this whole time and I haven’t heard anything from him.” Sam said, and Dean nodded again, trying his best to hide the disappointment on his face.

“But, in the same ballpark, I think it might be something holy. Maybe Cas. Maybe someone or something else. So, I’ve narrowed it down to 8 cities where there have been reported ‘miracles’ at holy sites. It’s not much, but it’s the only lead I’ve got so far.”

“Ok, great. So which one’s first?” Dean asked, and Sam opened his folder again.

“Salt Lake City, Utah. It’s the closest” Sam said, before closing his folder.

“Mormons?” Dean asked

“Mormons” Sam answered in agreement, as they sped off towards Utah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the hunt begins, this time without the Campbells because I always thought that plot point never made much sense. For me, ideally, the real 'show' ends season 5 and the rebuilding starts season 6. The aftermath, if you will. I've also decided that it might be a good idea to have a schedule for updates, that way I and you can keep track of when the next chapter comes out. From now on, every Monday I'll try to upload the next chapter. So hopefully I can stick to this schedule. Questions, comments, concerns? Suggestions, criticisms? Feel free to leave a comment!!


	4. Fuck You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam arrive in Utah, but tensions increase between the brothers as they try to figure out what is going on.

Sam looked out at the window and sighed. He was bored, extremely bored. I mean sure, there was the whole mystery regarding how he managed to come back to life and theoretically there was a lot of catching up he needed to do with his brother. But he was bored.

Dean was annoyed. That was the 15th time Sam had sighed in half an hour. 

“So, what’s the deal with Utah,” Dean asked. He knew the deal. He knew exactly what they were doing and what they were looking for. He just needed Sam to fill the silence. Sam let out another sigh, clearly annoyed at his brother’s apparent inattentiveness. Dean had gotten used to it.

“Basically, we’re investigating places where there have been reports of miracles to try to see if we can find what brought me back to life. Or get a clue” Sam said and Dean nodded.

“Right, right. And to figure out how to save Adam” he said, turning his head to look at his brother. Sam sighed again.

“And do figure out how to save Adam” Sam echoed, turning to look out the window again.

After about an hour more of driving, the impala rolled past the “WELCOME TO UTAH” sign, and 20 minutes after the sign was passed Dean and Sam pulled into the parking lot of a small motel. Dean turned off the impala, rubbing his temples with his palms. He was exhausted, not in the way that hunting made him exhausted. Sam patted his brother’s shoulder, but it was clearly more of a performance and less as a way to actually express concern. 

“I’ll check us in,” he said, opening the glove box, getting out three of the fake credit cards that Dean kept, and getting out of the car. Soon, Dean was lugging a bag of clothes and weapons into their room on the bottom floor. He dropped the bags onto the floor and collapsed face-first onto the bed closest to the bathroom. Sam let out a small scoff and took out his laptop and notebook.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you?” Dean asked, sitting up and frowning at Sam.

“What? Nothing” Sam said, not bothering to look up from his computer.

“Sam, seriously? Something is definitely wrong with you. I mean, you’re aloof and apathetic. You always seem to be annoyed by everything. And you’re quiet, you don’t tell me anything anymore. This isn’t you Sam, this isn’t us. So tell me what the fuck is going on” Dean said, the frustration and anger apparent in his voice. Sam’s face, however, was blank.

“Dean, you need to chill out. There is nothing happening. We’ve spent a whole year apart. That’s it. It’s going to take a while for us to get back in the rhythm of things” he said, shrugging and then turning back to his computer.

Dean was fuming. He knew something was wrong. And he knew that Sam also knew that something was wrong.

“Fuck you, Sam!” Dean shouted, causing Sam to look up shocked. “What? Do you think I’m stupid? Fuck you! Something’s wrong and you’re choosing not to see it” he said, grabbing his jacket and storming out the room. He didn’t see Sam run his hands through his long hair, in that way he does when he’s distressed. Instead, he walked to the nearest bar in town.

The bar was small and quiet, with only a few people at the physical bar, with a few groups sitting at the tables on the floor and a group of three playing pool at the far pool table. Dean sat down at the corner of the bar, away from everyone, and ordered a simple dark beer.

Before he could even lift the beer to his lips, he felt a familiar ‘woosh’ behind him and he spun around.

“Cas” 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said, sitting next to Dean on the bar. No one had noticed the sudden appearance of the angle, and Dean looked around the bar just to make sure.

“Cas, where have you been?” Dean asked, his beer now forgotten.

“I was in Heaven, Dean. It was a mess up there. Total anarchy, it was hard to find time to check up on you. I’m sorry” he replied, and Dean could tell that apology was genuine.

“Oh, well thinks are fucked up right now Cas. So you chose a perfect time to check-in. Sam’s back, and he’s weird. We’re trying to figure out what’s up, that’s why we're in Utah” Dean explained, picking up his beer bottle again.

“The place of miracles, that’s what you guys are searching for, right?” Cas confirmed, and Dean nodded as a response.

“Yeah, Sam thinks that something holy might be behind him coming back. I just want him to be okay, and to get Adam back” Dean sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“We’ll figure it out, Dean. I’m here now” Dean just nodded, but deep in his chest, having Cas’ hand on his shoulder made him feel a whole lot better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry about how short and late this chapter is. Covid-19 has unfortunately invaded my household. I am thankfully unsymptomatic, but I have been taking care of my parents and the household chores so I'm really busy. A chapter every Monday might be a bit too ambitious, so I think (for now at least) you should expect chapter updates on the weekends. 
> 
> As always, any questions, comments, concerns, please let me know in the comments :]


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